Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 432

The World Cup

Yes, it’s football time. Whether one lives in the UK or the USA, if one has an other-half whose life revolves around and is totally consumed by football, then you can pretty much rule out the next four weeks of your life.

With this in mind, I wrote a post for Lost in the Pond about how to survive this period in your life where, to him, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

British footie on telly!

British footie on telly!

This is that piece.

Enjoy 🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 431

Tan not brown

I’m all sun-kissed from sunbathing, I’m not gonna lie!

It’s interesting in the USA that when someone comments on that they say ‘You’re so tan’ and in the UK we say ‘You’re so brown’. If we did say the word ‘tan’, we’d say this way ‘You’re so sun/tanned.’

Just thought I’d mention that difference as I find it very interesting 🙂

Am I tan or am I brown or am I tanned...?

Am I tan or am I brown or am I tanned…?

Family Feud

My friends here in the USA are very excited to be appearing on the TV show Family Feud.

I had not heard of it. Another slice of Americana that I was not aware of. Darn it!

Anyway, this is it…..

I think it’s like Family Fortunes, but without Les Dennis, which is a huge relief 😉

Life is for living

I did one those inane quizzes that they have popping up on the Interweb today. It was about your lifestyle and which city you should visit. I got Brazil.

But this bit really struck me, because, after living in the USA, this is exactly how I feel…..

‘You are an adventure enthusiast, who likes to party, and enjoy a wild night out. You appreciate a culture with a vivacious lifestyle. You are drawn to warm climates, and love being near the water. Sitting at home is not your style. You’d rather be doing something active or walk around the city with friends. You are fed by good conversation and have a strong personality. Your motto in life is, “Life is for living”…’

They hit the nail on the head!

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 430

Things Americans speak of that I do not know about

Fact: I have not been to several of the shops and restaurants that Americans talk of.

Why? Well, the truth is that I don’t really want to spend my time in lots of shops during my stay here. And the restaurants – well, hey, they’re generally chains and I’m an indie lover! (Except for Denny’s. I love me a Denny’s.)

These are the shops that people speak about and which I have not been in yet and am, therefore, basically making uninformed, very British, and very personal judgments on. Cos I can. Cos it’s my blog 😉

Michaels – this is a craft shop, apparently. Since I can’t even sew up a hole in sock, there appears to be reason whatsoever for me to go in this shop.

Costco – this is a shop where you buy stuff in bulk, which, whilst being incredibly economical, does not appeal to me, since I am now trying to use things up for when we haul our arses back to the UK, and I really don’t want 72 jars of mayonnaise to get rid of next July.

BJs – whilst this shop makes me giggle (because in my head I am still an adolescent school girl), it appears to be the same as Costco. Except not as nice, apparently.

Kohl’s – this is a department store. It sells stuff like clothes and bedding and furniture. I get lots of discount coupons for Kohl’s, but to be honest, I went online and tapped into their search engine my fave brand of clothes and they don’t have it, so bugger that for a laugh.

Marshall’s – there is much debate online (yes, really, there is) about which of the three stores – Kohl’s, Marshall’s or TJ Maxx – is better. So that means, I am surmising, that Marshall’s is similar to Kohl’s. (Although I did comment on a lady’s workout top the other day and she said it was from Marshall’s, so that’s one to bear in mind.)

TJ Maxx – just like the one in England, but with a J instead of a K, and I have no idea why.

Chuck E Cheese – there are so, so many reasons why I have not been to this restaurant. I repeat – so, so many.

I’m just putting this picture here so you can work out why….

Never. Ever.

Never. Ever.

Sonic – this is a carhop restaurant, where the basic idea is this: you don’t get out of your car and someone on roller skates precariously brings you loads of really bad food, and then you press a button and order some more. And eat it in you car.

Walmart – look, I actually have been to this store, but to this day I wish I had never stepped foot in one. It was a bloody nightmare! So, for the purpose of this blog post I am pretending I haven’t. Am I a snob?!! Maybe…it’s just not my cup of tea! And it’s nothing to do with the People of Walmart site which takes a gentle poke at some of the folk who shop there. It’s more to do with the fact that I went in to get some fruit and veges and there were NONE. Just rows and rows of sugar-filled candy crap. (And other stuff, of course, but I couldn’t really see past the candy crap.)

And that’s all I have to say about that.

If I am missing out on something, though, please share with me and I’ll be there in a flash! 🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 429

Horseback riding

You know, in the USA, these lovely Americans call riding a horse ‘horseback riding’. I mentioned this to an American friend, who was driving me and some Brits around DC.

‘We just call it horse riding,’ said I. ‘Isn’t that another interesting difference?’

“It is,’ mused my American friend. ‘I don’t know why we call it horseBACK riding – I mean, where else are you going to ride a horse…?’

To which my saucy British friend (she’s from the North West of England, no less) replied: ‘Well, it depends where you’re from……’

And we erupted into a mass of school girl giggles. 🙂

American roads

Don’t ask me to navigate on American roads. Oh, I just don’t get it! My American chum helpfully explained how the system works when you’re on long, long main roads and then the roads are numbered off to the left and right. I get it now, but still don’t ask me to navigate. That is all I have to say about that 🙂

Tea at the British Ambassador’s Residence

Where else would one go for a nice cup of tea in Washington DC? Only the British Ambassador’s pad, that’s where!

Fine tea, smashing cakes and a rather hot chef, who was tending to his herbs (that’s herbs with an ‘h’ cos he’s British, innit).

Here is your very own tour of the British Ambassador’s home, with commentary by moi.

This is me and my lady friends wot all had tea together with the Ambassador’s wife. Tea was served by a lovely chap who let us pose under the Queen 🙂

Tea and cake :)

Tea and cake 🙂

This is where the British Ambassador sits on a Sunday after eating his croissants (brought over by the French Embassy) and prune juice. (Note: I am just guessing all of this – none of it is based on fact in any way shape or form.)

The lounge area

The lounge area

This is where the Ambassador’s wife counts how many of her Ferrero Rocher are left after the Ambassador’s reception from the night before (remind yourselves of the classic British 80s advert here… 😉 (Again, not based on any factual information.)

This is where I'd sit with a vodka and tonic, actually

This is where I’d sit with a vodka and tonic, actually

These are just some mates who’ve come to stay with the Ambassador. A motley crew 🙂

Someone they know

Someone they know

Some other chap

Some other chap

This is where the Ambassador’s wife sits and reads letters from Bette (that’s the Queen, or Her Maj, to you and me). (Again, I just imagined this – go with me.)

Fancy!

Fancy!

This is where the Ambassador and his wife entertain guests. (This is actually TRUE, obviously!)

Super time for supper!

Super time for supper!

We had a fine time having tea and looking round the grounds. Splendid, don’t you know 🙂

Look at those lovely nibbles!

Look at those lovely nibbles!

Keeping it real, Desperate English Housewife stylie ;)

Keeping it real, Desperate English Housewife stylie 😉

So, next year’s tea party (not be read in a ‘Tea Party’ way) at the Ambassador’s Residence …..if you’re a) American and b) really, really nice to me, then I might invite you along as my guest!

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 428

Miami

Miami. Whilst I was there this past weekend I thought this a lot: This is a place as far removed in demeanour and character from the town where my parents live in the UK as you could possibly find. 😉

I have just this to say about Miami:

‘hot, eccentric, busy, eclectic, energetic, crazy.’

And these pictures say it all!

The Beach

Miami's fabulous shoreline

Miami’s fabulous shoreline

Effing tower blocks!

Effing tower blocks!

Sand and blue, blue sea

Sand and blue, blue sea

Muscle Beach

Muscle Beach

Muscle Beach

Flexing

Flexing

Harry planks

Harry planks

Muscle Beach gymnastics

Muscle Beach gymnastics

Hello :)

Hello 🙂

The Everglades

Was 'Gentle Ben' filmed here, I asked :)

Was ‘Gentle Ben’ filmed here, I asked 🙂

Alligator spotting

Alligator spotting

The Quirkiness

Bugatti cars

Bugatti cars

This guy runs backwards everyday

This guy runs backwards everyday

The Drag Queens

Catwalk queen

Catwalk queen

Yep

Yep

The Fashion

Punk dog fashion accessories

Punk dog fashion accessories

The clothes

The clothes (less is more in Miami)

The People

The stilts

The stilts

The moped 'gangs'

The moped ‘gangs’

The football fans

The football fans

The girl in the string bikini....

The girl in the string bikini….

The Poseur

And possibly, my favourite…The Poseur, who oiled himself up for a good 15 minutes in full view of an entire restaurant. He loved it. 🙂

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

He oiled, and oiled, and oiled.... ;)

He oiled, and oiled, and oiled…. 😉

And finally – these cheeky chaps 🙂

Gawd bless 'em!

Gawd bless ’em!

Only in Miami!

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 427

Summertime

Someone asked me why I wasn’t blogging as much recently. Has America lost its appeal? Goodness no, and especially not in the summertime!.

The reason I am not blogging as much is because I have been sunbathing a lot. I’m almost a professional. But I don’t think anyone would really find my sunbathing that interesting.

Just in case you are interested in, specifically, my toes, then here are some pics 🙂

Sunbathing at a beach

Sunbathing at a beach

Sunbathing at a pool

Sunbathing at a pool

More sunbathing

More sunbathing

Another pool

Another pool

Classy sunbathing

Classy sunbathing

Right, I’m off to sunbathe! Ta-ra!

The end 🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 426

American Theater/Theatre

So, American theater is no different from British theatre, right?

People are in the audience watching, and people are on stage acting. Just the same.

Except there are differences – of course there are! We saw The Wizard of Oz at the Lyric Opera House in Baltimore last week and oh my, we felt very British on occasion!

Like when you ask in the interval if they have any tubs of those ice-creams that you eat with a spoon. ‘Ice-cream?’ was the incredulous response from a server at the bar. Obviously not then! Oh, the disappointment!

We just wanted one of those usherettes selling us over-priced ice-creams, that was all!

Vanilla, please!

Vanilla, please!

Anyway, never mind about the ice-cream. Let’s start clapping with lots of enthusiasm in time to the music at the end of the show, like at pantomimes, instead!

Oh, just me and my British friend then….obviously this is not the done thing 😉

Hey ho, at least we know now!

LGBT / Pride

One of the things that I can’t get my head round about living in the USA is how different states have different laws and rules.

For instance, when they passed the same-sex marriage bill in the UK it passes for the whole of the UK and that’s that. Job done.

Here in the USA it’s about the states making up their minds and choosing if they fancy it or not.

This is the marriage equality status of the USA.

marriagequalitymap

Maryland’s Gov. Martin O’Malley introduced legislation in 2012 to legalize same-sex marriage in the state, and a couple of my best friends were the first gay couple to married under this license.

Dale and Jeff (far left and left) were the first couple to get married under Maryland law! Hoorah!

Jeff and Dale (far left and left) were the first couple to get married under Maryland law! Hoorah!

Howard County, where I live, is very progressive in this area, I am happy to say. Yesterday I attended an LGBT event to celebrate PRIDE month for the gay community and what a fabulously colourful and fun event it was too! We were there supporting Courtney Watson, who is running for Chief Executive of Howard County, and who has been instrumental in helping to get these laws implemented and supporting for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community in many different ways.

Courtney Watson and her team :)

Courtney Watson and her team 🙂

Supporting the LGBT community

Supporting the LGBT community

Proud to be part of this gang! #hocohomos

Proud to be part of this gang! #hocohomos

Come on America, let’s get this Same-Sex Marriage bill thing sorted! It’s working in Howard County. That is all I have to say about that!

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 425

Cock up

Apparently, Americans don’t use the phrase ‘cock up’.

When I say it, I think they are shocked that I just used the word ‘cock’ randomly in a sentence. As if I would! 😉

(Cock up = another word for ‘screw-up’; British slang for ‘mistake’.)

P.S. I tried to look for an image to accompany this little bit, but I shan’t add one since they were all rather rude, as you can imagine! 😉

Maryland

This week I wrote an expat piece about how great Maryland is. You can read it shortly when it’s published, lucky you.

Maryland

Maryland

Then I read this in an article:

“Maryland is just The Wire and people tying sweaters around their shoulders.”
“Everybody in Maryland has very sensible names like Bob and Susan.”
“You do not want to be on a long car ride with someone from Maryland.”
“They’d bore you with crab cake recipes and stories about how great Maryland summers are.”

How rude! 😉

Drive-thrus

Today I went on a drive-thru bender.

Drive-thru post office.
Drive-thru bank.
Drive-thru pharmacy.

Sadly, no drive-thru liquor store. (Not in Maryland!)

Drive-thru liquor store

Drive-thru liquor store

Graduation

It seems that everyone in America-land is either graduating, attending someone’s graduation or generally doing something graduation-y.

Hoorah!

Hoorah!

I’m going to enroll in high school next year just so I can do that too. 🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 424

British food / American food

Marmite. I had some yesterday and it was LUSH. I don’t miss it, I don’t crave it, but when I had some it was fandabidozie.

Monster Munch crisps. Our mate Dave always brings some over for Harry when he visits, since he has a penchant for the Roast Beef variety. I snuck me a bag to go with my Marmite sandwich. Again, fabbo.

Lush.

Lush.

But……British food mostly gets a hard time. Fish and chips, suet pudding, etc. I have some American friends who are desperate for me to have a British dinner party and for us to have Spotted Dick for pudding (yes, in case you are wondering, its predominantly my #hocohomo friends who have requested this 😉 ).

Anyhow, there is a British blogger, Cori, out here in the USA who writes about food, both British and American.

She is a ‘trailing spouse’ like me (gawd, hate that term sooooo much – it conjures up images of forlorn women in long crinoline dresses, carrying large initialed leather suitcases off the train and being kept out of sight indoors so as not to excite the natives).

As I was saying, Cori, like many of us forlorn women in our crinoline dresses, has new spare time and she’s been using that time to do a fair bit of baking and making.

She says ‘The baking has been mostly to satisfy my cravings for a taste of home; sometimes a challenge as there are things that I take for granted back home which are like hens teeth here. I also sometimes find myself making very basic things.

‘America does not seem as concerned as we are about what goes into their food so in the interests of not bankrupting us by spending a fortune at our local organic supermarket I try to produce as much as possible from scratch. The making so far has just been a couple of little craft projects for presents to send home, nothing too challenging as I’m just not that talented!’

This is Cori’s guest post about Making and Baking in the USA

One of my motivations for baking and for my blog is that, for me, food isn’t just food, it’s a reminder of something else. My recipes are like mementos or souvenirs.

People say that smell is most closely linked to memory but in my case it’s definitely taste. A lot of the time I make things simply for the purpose of evoking memories of home. Anything that reminds me of my mum or Grandmas kitchen is always a winner for me. I find making Cornish saffron buns, which not many people seem to have heard of, especially comforting. This is the recipe for them if you’re at all curious….

Yum, yum, saffron bun.

Yum, yum, saffron bun.

A lot of Brits are very proud of their indigenous heritage in much the same way that Americans feel about the State that they come from. I for one would never describe myself as English (heaven forbid). I think of myself as either Cornish or British. The UK is full of amazing regional baking, too much to mention, and there is always a well-loved family recipe involved somewhere. I think it’s important to celebrate and share this as part of our culture, at least that’s what I try to do with my blog. So another reason for writing it is to stand up for the much maligned British menu.

I know British food gets a hard time, Americans seems to be particularly scathing (a little pot calling the kettle black if you ask me), but I think that we have some wonderful dishes and some amazing produce. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come to love Maryland crab but there’s a very good reason Rick Stein bases himself in Cornwall. From Scottish raspberries and Evesham asparagus to cheeses that could (and sometimes do) put the French to shame, the UK really is a well stocked larder.

God of the Sea, Mr Rick Stein

God of the Sea, Mr Rick Stein

But that’s not to say that American produce doesn’t have its merits, I have already mentioned the crab and the sweetcorn here is literally the best that I’ve ever tasted. I’ve also yet to meet anyone who doesn’t enjoy a good slosh of maple syrup on their pancakes.

I do however have some issues with the amount of processed foods that American baking seems to rely on. I was bought a cook book for my birthday with a chocolate cake recipe which actually included “1 boxed cake mix” in its ingredients. Is that really baking, or just assembling? My general rule of thumb is that if I can’t pronounce the ingredients on the side of the packet I should probably think twice before eating it.

I’ve travelled quite a lot and whenever I visit somewhere I make a new food discovery which then becomes a taste memory and the USA is no exception. My favourite thing that I’ve discovered here so far are Hush Puppies, they are so good and pretty addictive. I happened upon them during a trip to Charleston S.C with some of my best friends, so will forever associate them with that. Because they’re deep-fried I jumped at the challenge to create a healthier version that I could I justify eating a little more frequently; here’s what I came up with.

Hush puppies are edible, and are not really comfy shoes.

Hush puppies are edible, and are not really comfy shoes.

I’ve also been influenced by American flavour combinations, these peanut butter and jelly cupcakes went down a storm when I made them.

Have a look at them babies!

Have a look at them babies!

I’m really looking forward to creating some new taste memories whilst living on this side of the pond. I’ll be sure to keep of a record of it on my blog and maybe next time you visit somewhere you’ll bring back a recipe instead of a fridge magnet.

Thanks Cori – mouth-watering! You can follow Cori’s blog Colonial Cravings here 🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 423

Holibobs

Today is a holibobs in the USA (Memorial Weekend), and the UK has its May bank holibobs too today so there was no need to feel jelly about anything, especially when we get to spend time here in Southern Maryland…..

Tiki Bar

Tiki Bar

South Maryland beaches

South Maryland beaches

Harbor/harbour

Harbor/harbour

Gorgeousness innit?

We wondered, as we were driving down to our destination, what the traffic on the M5 and M4 would be like back in the UK for the bank holiday weekend as everyone bundled up their cars and headed off to Devon and Cornwall. Hellish, we suspected. And we thought the same as we breezed through on the roads on the way back. Driving in the USA is much easier, because of the big ole roads and the massive amounts of space, plus not everyone was going where we were going! 🙂

Comments that grate

We have season passes this year to a water park near DC. We’ve paid up and we can go whenever we jolly well please, which is faberooni.

But, I’ve heard some comments from folks in the community who state they wouldn’t go there, and some newbies in the area have been advised that they shouldn’t bother going. Is it that the rides suck? Is it that its way too expensive? Is it that the the drive is long? Is it that the queues are a nightmare?

None of the above. The reason? Because it’s ‘quite black.’

Yes, read that again. Some people have been advising others not to go to a water park in Maryland because ‘many of the people who go there are black’.

I was totally gobsmacked by that ‘advice’, and confused, and very, very offended.

American politics

I still love me a bit of American politics, and spent the last few weeks organising an event for my buddy Tom Coale who is running for a seat in the Maryland House of Delegates in 2014, representing the newly formed District 9B in Ellicott City.

This is that totally glamorous event wot I organised, hosted by my lovely #hocohomo chums 🙂

Tom Coale's event at Dale & Jeff's house, Manor Lane

Tom Coale’s event at Dale & Jeff’s house, Manor Lane

Me and host Dale

Me and host Dale

Tom with hosts Dale and Jeff and Carrie from Equality Maryland

Tom with hosts Dale and Jeff and Carrie from Equality Maryland

Doesn’t it look classy and fancy and wotnot? I commented that in the UK such events might just be held in a poky old church hall with the wind whistling through and a urn of tea on the go….

Well, that was the marvellous event – and this was the after-party 😉

Pool party! :)

Pool party! 🙂

I wrote a piece about Tom too, which you can read here over a nice cup of tea.

And yes, to the woman who asked me this weekend if we Brits still drink hot tea in 90 degrees, the answer is ‘of course we do!’ 🙂

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