Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 332

Damn, it’s cold!

Right, so it’s going to get very cold in the USA. Like super cold. Like freezing your wotsits off cold. Like don’t even think about reaching for the Daisy Dukes cold.

Apparently some of the coldest air in years, if not decades, is poised to pour into the land of America with mind-boggling low temperatures.

They’re saying it will be -16 degrees Celsius (4 degrees Farenheit). COLD.

Beautiful, but flipping freezing.

Beautiful, but flipping freezing.

More snow days? I hope not. They can be very trying 😉

My other half posed an excellent question when the snow day came on Friday: ‘When do Eskimos get snow days…?’.

That's a snow day.

That’s a snow day.

Personalised tags

I’ve written about personalised tags before, but I had to break all the cell phone rules (I was at a red light) and snap this one.

Bloody brilliant

Bloody brilliant

Some others that have tickled me…

Genius.

Genius.

I hear ya ;)

I hear ya 😉

Words, words, words

Sometimes I stop and smile at words that we Brits use in comparison to words that my American friends use.

And I hear lots of American English, of course, and my British English still confuses sometimes too.

These are just some that still make me stop and smile…(and sometimes I find myself using the American English version…)

– anti-clockwise / counter-clockwise
– lorry / truck
– bill / check (I now say ‘check’ because the poor waiting staff get v confused otherwise)
– flats / apartments
– car park / parking lot (yep, I use this American one now – I think I prefer it!)
– chemist’s / drugstore (ditto)
– the cinema / the movies (I have to use the American ‘movies’ because if I Google ‘cinema’ it doesn’t know what you’re on about for the USA)
– wardrobe / closet
– drawing-pin / thumbtack (Harry has started using this for school bits and bobs)
– drink-driving / drunk driving (I still call it drink-driving and it’s still wrong, whatever you call it!)
– dustbin / trash can (Harry calls it this, as well as garbage)
– ground floor / first floor (in most USA hotels we’ve been in there is no ‘ground floor’ as in the UK – the floors start at the first floor)
– handbag / purse or pocket book (I don’t get pocket book, that one’s weird, but here‘s an apparent answer!)
– holiday / vacation (we call it a ‘vacation’ now when we go on ‘holiday’ because in the USA ‘holiday’ generally means like a holiday season or time like Christmas or Thanksgiving)
– toilet / bathroom (I call it a loo, pretty much whatever!)

See, no ground floor!

See, no ground floor!

Nip to the loo :)

Nip to the loo 🙂

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 331

Dope in Colorado

So you can now buy marijuana in Colorado legally. Sometimes I get very confused about laws in the States – one rule in one place, one in the other. Like driving and guns and marriage and wotnot – one rule for one State and one for the other.

It must be very confusing being an American sometimes. For example: how do I know if I’m going to end up in jail or not whilst in the state of Alabama when I’m driving at the 65 miles an hour on the Interstate with my AKA 47 on the backseat, having just married my sister? 😉

Anyway, whatever the rules, here is the news report on that very first USA legal drug purchase…

More [frigging] snow

Yes, there is more snow and I’m feeling a bit like that news anchor who lost it with too many pictures of viewers’ snow-covered furniture…(again, in Colorado).

Last Thursday, Denver’s KUSA-TV news anchor Kyle Clark begged viewers to stop sending in pictures of their snow-covered patio furniture.

He began with this very important message:

“Good afternoon Colorado. Listen. You know I love you. But it is time that we had a talk about your snow-covered patio furniture. Why is it that every time it snows we whip out photos of our patio sets like we’re showing off baby photos of our kids?”

Yep, mine ;)

Yep, mine 😉

Clark pointed out the irony of living in one of the most beautiful snow-covered states in the country but still choosing to photograph a chair in the backyard.

“Is that really the best we can do?” Clark asked. 😉

Yes, I’m guilty too!

But this made me chortle the best. Gawd bless Boston, who got the most inches of snow yesterday.

Hahahahaha!

Hahahahaha!

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 330

Heading out west

The UK Desperate Housewife has a plan and that plan is to hit the West Coast of the USA this year. San Fran, LA, Grand Canyon, Vegas etc. Woopie!

The thing that I am looking forward to is playing ‘spot the difference’ between the East and the West Coasts.

I asked a friend what they thought the differences were and this is their view…

East Coast

1. More British influence.

2. Families have been in the USA much longer. Many families can trace their USA immigration back hundreds of years.

3. The East Coast puts more emphasis on splitting from your family and friends and making your own way. Seen more generations go, where kids would often move away to other cities/states to start their own families.

4. More distinctive USA culture. This is probably due to the British influence, and having more historical landmarks that date back to the beginning of the country.

The East side

The East side

West Coast

1. More Latin/non-British influences.

2. Historical landmarks are more influenced by Spain than colonial British.

3. Population is younger. Less people have American generations that span beyond a few generations.

4. Less emphasis on Americanism and patriotism. Not to say it doesn’t exist on the West, but certainly less pronounced.

I think I might like it here :)

I think I might like it here 🙂

You might or might not agree with those statements above. Will I find the two coasts vastly different? Will the cultures clash, collide or confuse?

One of the more interesting stories about the East/West culture divide is about when Facebook CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, showed up at a meeting with Wall Street investors last year wearing a hoodie. His trendy/sartorial choice sparked a flurry of headlines contrasting Silicon Valley’s laid-back culture with the East Coast’s insistence on formality.

It's all about what you wear - or is it....?

It’s all about what you wear – or is it….?

New research finds that this West Coast-East Coast culture clash isn’t just media stereotyping. In fact, people living in the east coast city of Boston closely link their overall life satisfaction with how content they are with their own social status. In San Francisco, residents don’t make the same connection, reflecting a more individualistic, free-to-be-me culture.

Apparently, I will find that the East is more old and established, and the West is more new and free. Interesting!

What I do know is this: I will be wearing my Daisy Dukes every day on the West Coast. That much I can guarantee 😉

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 329

Sweet Home Alabama

This is my fave song ever (apart from Don’t Stop Believing and Your Song and Sympathy for the Devil and Alive and Under the Bridge and With or Without You and many others, but for this purpose, this song is my fave song ever.)

So, we’re listening to it last night on New Year’s Eve and my American friend tells me that there is another version of this song, which is sung in Pennsylvania.

This version? Sweet Home South Towanda, and yes, it’s about a town called Towanda. From the lyrics they shared with me, I’m guessing that Towanda gets the same kind of ribbing that Norfolk gets….for example, they’ve changed some of the Sweet Home Alabama lyrics to: ‘Where your sister’s your mother too’ and such like 😉

Sadly, I could not find the complete lyrics to this alternative song, other than those randomly garbled by my merry chums last night. But, of course, the Interweb took me on a path to discover more about Towanda….

This is Towanda

This is Towanda

Here is what I found out…..

1. Towanda is a borough in and the county seat of Bradford County, Pennsylvania, 66 miles (106 km) northwest of Wilkes Barre, on the Susquehanna River. The name means “burial ground” in the Algonquian language. Settled in 1784 and incorporated in 1828, Towanda was once known primarily for its industrial interests, which included flour, planing and silk mills, a foundry and machine shop, dye works, and manufacturers of talking machines, cut glass, toys and furniture. The population in 1900 was 4,663 and, in 1910, 4,281. The population was 3,024 at the 2000 census. Currently, the 2010 census confirmed that the population of Towanda is 2,919.

I think it looks kind of pretty!

I think it looks kind of pretty!

Um, sounds fun….

Honestly, there really is nothing more of note about Towanda on the Interweb.

2. Even this video, by some dude driving through Towanda is about as interesting as….well, you make your mind up 😉

3. Towanda does get an Urban Dictionary look in, however…. ‘A ‘pooly’ is a person usually with the last name Vanderpool or in relation to a Vanderpool living in the Towanda, Pennsylvania region, specifically South Towanda. Known to be rednecks etc. Have a reputation of walking main street and hunting and fishing in their spare time. Often picked on in school for it. Using phrases like “Haaaaa I tell ya!!” and “Goin’ fitin’ at da riva”. Toothless and uneducated and real, hard-working people who enjoy a good time respect their family and tend to stick to one side of town……the south side…..Poolies are great people!’ (Ouch, I hope ‘pooly’ is not used as a very mean, derogatory term….)

But, oh crikey, I’m beginning to think Deliverance…..

Yes, Deliverance...

Yes, Deliverance…

Towanda, dear Towanda, I wonder if our paths may cross one day – that is if I decide I’m going hunting or fitin’, ever…. 😉 .

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

2013 in review – UK Desperate Housewife USA

Wanna read a 2013 report for my blog?! If you like stats, here are a few!

It’s been a fabulous year here in the USA – hoorah for 2014 and all the adventures it may bring! Thanks for reading and happy new year to y’all! 🙂

Here’s an excerpt:

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 75,000 times in 2013. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 3 days for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Posted in Travel | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 328

The Christmas Break

So, what has the UK Desperate Housewife UK been up to over Christmas week?

Taking in a lot of American history, don’t ya know. And pondering about what makes American people American, and what made them not want to be English anymore and what defines the American population. Interesting thoughts, let me tell you.

Yup, I’ve been to Colonial Williamsburg and Jamestown and Yorktown and Norfolk and I learned a whole lot of stuff about The War of Independence and wotnot. 🙂

Colonial it is

Colonial it is

Looks a lot like England

Looks a lot like England

Lots of folk in costume, of course

Lots of folk in costume, of course

So, what about Williamsburg?

1. It rained, so as we walked in to the town high street with its MASSIVE puddles and everyone had their brollies up, yes, it felt a lot like England.

2. Harry asked if we were actually in England. Bradford on Avon, to be exact – where his grandparents live. ‘It’s just like Bradford on Avon in the olden days,’ he declared. ‘They haven’t got a McDonalds there either.’ 😉

3. You can find the ‘am dram actors’ dressed in their colonial paraphernalia of the time either a charming addition to the town, or you can find them a bit disconcerting and/or annoying. To be fair, some of them do it really well and share some fascinating history with you, but some of them are trying a little too hard.

Things like this:

‘Oh, look, that lady is pointing an odd-shaped box at us, how strange…’ (My camera). I sort of laughed, feeling embarrassed for them and for me and pottered on over the cobbles as fast as I could.

My favourite thing, however, was to allow (encourage) the costumed characters to interact with my husband who had not a clue how to react and generally mumbled something back incoherently, finding it all very awkward and embarrassing.

For example:

‘Good day, sir! How art thou?’
‘Um, alright mate, how’s it going?’ (He’s kind of Cockney.)
‘That’s a fine and sturdy lad you have there, sir.’ (Man in costume points at Harry.)
‘What? Yeah, thanks very much. Cheers….See ya.’

Oh how we (I) laughed!

Anyhow, yes, Williamsburg is super lovely and I would like to go back again when it’s NOT raining quite so much (I’m not that homesick!!) 🙂

I pointed my odd-shaped box at these fellas

I pointed my odd-shaped box at these fellas

The Red Lion Pub

The Red Lion Pub

The Governor's Palace (this day it was not raining)

The Governor’s Palace (this day it was not raining)

Visiting Virginia Beach

We also visited Virginia Beach, but I don’t really have much to say about that, except that every seaside town is a bit bloody miserable in the winter time. Beaches are made for summer and sunbathing, wherever they are.

Chocolate milk

That stuff is everywhere. I don’t get the fascination. Even the gas station I stopped off at on the way home to get some milk had not real milk from cows, but chocolate milk in full supply. It is truly an American phenomenon.

Norfolk, but not as we know it

I rather liked Norfolk, especially the handsome cop in the Police and Fire Museum, whom I kept approaching with yet another question or funny/amusing comment. 😉

Harry’s view of Norfolk? ‘This looks just like England!’ He kept asking when we would be in America again. He is very confused, poor child.

Oh yes, and there is a big old ship there and a mermaid.

See - a very big ship

See – a very big ship

See - a mermaid

See – a mermaid

Jamestown and Yorktown

I liked both of these places a lot. They got my British head a-thinking about what happened back in those days that changed the colonies in the New World from British to American. I love the history, but it always makes me think about the people.

Native American Indian settlement

Native American Indian settlement

Isn't that the spookiest picture?!

Isn’t that the spookiest picture?!

Authentic colonial settlement, innit

Authentic colonial settlement, innit

I’m interested in what made them go: ‘Hang on a minute, I don’t want to be bloody well English anymore and told what to do by that nutter King George with his rules and wotnot, I want to create my own independent rules and speak with a different accent and do some exploring and be a bit different, but the same in some ways, and create my own super power and have chocolate milk and drive on the other side…Hey, let’s have Revolution!’ (etc).

I’m guessing it was the type of people who came to the colonies – a bit adventurous, challenging the times, looking for a new way of life. Anyway, that’s the bit that fascinates me.

I did learn this: Jamestown was America’s first permanent English colony in Virginia in 1607 – 13 years before the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth in Massachusetts, and it sparked a series of cultural encounters that helped shape the nation and the world. The government, language, customs, beliefs and aspirations of these early Virginians are all part of the United States’ heritage today.

Yorktown was all military stuff with the battlefield where allied American and French forces won the decisive battle of the American Revolution in 1781. The Yorktown Victory Center chronicles the entire Revolutionary period, from colonial unrest to the formation of the new nation. I learned a great deal about the Declaration of Independence and how people from many different cultures shaped a new society and the development of a new government with the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Wow, my head was exploding with information. Ace.

Yorktown Victory Center

Yorktown Victory Center

And now back to normality. Or as normal as it gets in this adventure 🙂

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 327

Hey, what’s up?

Harry gets greeted at school by this cool bloke at the Before-School Care thingymabob and he always says to him: “Hey Harry, what’s up?”. Harry sort of smiles and nods and doesn’t know what to say, because this is an American-kids-stylie greeting that he is not familiar with. I think he thinks he is being asked “What’s the matter?” and he can’t think of anything that’s wrong so he just doesn’t give any kind of response.

AKA 'How are you?'

AKA ‘How are you?’

Today I told him that the cool bloke is just saying “Hi, how are you?” and that he just has to respond with a “Hey, good thanks, how are you?” or similar and that he’s not actually asking if anything is wrong/the matter.

I have to refrain from giving my down-with-the-kids “Hey, whaddup” response myself. I promise that I shan’t do that – ever 😉

Best Tweet ever

My editor at the Baltimore Post Examiner wrote a super-cool tweet about me/my blog today:

“#followFriday @ukhousewifeusa for fearless enjoyment of life….”

I love it! Thanks 🙂

A few of my favourite things….

So, today was spent doing a photoshoot in and around Columbia and Ellicott City, picking out a few of my favourite things that I have encountered here in my little part of America over the past 16 months. Not all of them, mind you – I’m not done yet! There are plenty more to come!

The people and the funny little things that make me smile, or the places that I love to go to, all got one of these cards (or I left one on the doorstep!):

I did have to explain to a few people what 'brillopads' and 'amazeballs' meant... ;)

I did have to explain to a few people what ‘brillopads’ and ‘amazeballs’ meant… 😉

Anyway, enjoy these pics! (FYI, I’m in my UK Desperate Housewife USA winter gear – I contemplated the Daisy Dukes, but it was toooooo cold!)

I love nibbling the cheeses in Roots and I apologised to the Cheese Manager for always nibbling on her offerings ;)

I love nibbling the cheeses in Roots and I apologised to the Cheese Manager for always nibbling on her offerings 😉 NB – she’s reading the card I gave her!

Outside Kendalls, with their fab tree. Possibly the best American hardware store ever.

Outside Kendalls, with their fab tree. Possibly the best American hardware store ever, even if you’re not big on hardware, like wot I’m not!

The loveliest field of horses that I see on my route to work. Look at me, I'm practically proper country!

The loveliest field of horses that I see on my route to work. Look at me, I’m practically proper country!

I always pass this American flag and house number. It always reminds me I'm in the USA.

I always pass this American flag and house number. It always reminds me I’m in the USA.

I just like this yard. That is all.

I just like this yard. That is all.

A ramshackle old liquor store. Quality.

A ramshackle old liquor store. Quality.

How did this car get so beaten up? I don't know, but someone loves it, and so do I :)

How did this car get so beaten up? I don’t know, but someone loves it, and so do I 🙂

The Bubbleman's Shop in Old Ellicott City. Fascinating and a little bit Glastonbury.

The Bubbleman’s Shop in Old Ellicott City. Fascinating and a little bit Glastonbury.

The best coffee in town (Ellicott City).

Bean Hollow: the best coffee (and tea) in town (Ellicott City).

Tiber Alley. Marvellous name, marvellous bridge-thing.

Tiber Alley. Marvellous name, marvellous bridge-thing.

The best place to eat in Ellicott City, and have drinkiepoos. With Lexi and Matt.

The Rumor Mill (note to self: must not spell with an additional ‘u’) – the best place to eat in Ellicott City, and have drinkiepoos. With Lexi and Matt.

Pure Wine. What more do I need to add...? ;)

Pure Wine. What more do I need to add…? 😉

The quirkiest boutique with amazeballs stuff!

The quirkiest boutique with amazeballs stuff!

Heaven in a shop. I could by EVERYTHING in here.

Heaven in a shop called Journey from Junk. (They have gold cowboy boots.) I could buy EVERYTHING in here.

You have to love Ellicott City's window displays - brillopads!

You have to love Ellicott City’s window displays – brillopads!

What more do I need to say about this....?!

What more do I need to say about this….?!

And that completes today’s in-and-around Howard County photoshoot, and indeed my blogging over the holibobs. What fun!

So have a fab/amazeballs/brillopads/merry/happy Christmas/holidays/festive season.

Thanks y’all, it’s been a blogging blast this year! 🙂

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 326

Frank Bruno adopts a road

So I am merrily driving along in Howard County, Maryland in the land of America listening to some country music and admiring the scenery when I STOP.

What is that?!

A sign tells me that British celeb Frank Bruno, the boxer/panto star/tragic figure/him of the booming laugh has adopted a road right here in Howard County. Can I be seeing things straight?!

See, the sign telleth the truth!

See, the sign telleth the truth!

For real?!

It can’t be Frank ‘You know what I mean Harry’ Bruno off the British telly! What’s he got to do with this area? I think it must be another Frank Bruno, but even my searching on Google does not give me a Frank Bruno connected with Howard County….. so who is this Frank Bruno who has adopted a road sign at Underwood Road, Sykeville, MD? I need to know!

Not this Frank Bruno, surely?!

Not this Frank Bruno, surely?!

Anyone for Snapdragon?

I heard some Americans talking about the ‘traditional English parlour game Snapdragon’ today. I confess I know not of this game!

Apparently Snap-dragon (also known as Flap-dragon, Snapdragon, or Flapdragon) was a parlour game popular from about the 16th to 19th centuries. It was played during the winter, particularly on Christmas Eve. Brandy was heated and placed in a wide shallow bowl; raisins were placed in the brandy which was then set alight. Typically, lights were extinguished or dimmed to increase the eerie effect of the blue flames playing across the liquor.

Darling, come and look, little Francis is on fire! ;)

Darling, come and look, little Francis is on fire! 😉

I suspect it doesn’t get played as much these days owing to health and safety issues and the fact that you could potentially burn your entire hand/arm/face with hot brandy and flames spraying forth. I think I’ll stick to Twister 🙂

Even more fun when you've DRUNK the brandy :)

Even more fun when you’ve DRUNK the brandy 🙂

Happy Christmas to me from me!

Look what I’m drinking my afternoon cuppa in!

My very own cup of tea mug :)

My very own cup of tea mug 🙂

Yes, that’s my Christmas present to me from me 🙂

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 325

Walmart virgin

Actually, read that as I am now no longer a Walmart virgin.

I made a strange and curious decision to go to Walmart today. I had not been there before and some people have said DON’T DO IT and some have said it’s a joy. I thought I would make up my own mind.

Conclusion: it is not a joy.

Despite the fact that there are shelves and shelves of pre-packed crap food and one aisle of fresh stuff, and then a whole lot of other bits and bobs to nose about at and not buy, there was one thing that captured my attention: the carrier bag carousel. What a clever invention! Yes, I actually took a picture of it…..

The carousel. I was mesmerised......

The carousel. I was mesmerised……

And I was struck by the plethora of candy canes – walls and aisles and shelves of them……

Flippin' millions of the buggers!

Flippin’ millions of the buggers!

Walmart, you might be an institution of the USA, but I shan’t be wondering through your doors again. Cheers, though, and Merry Christmas to you and your employees!

Jack FM disses the Brits

I’ve started listening to a bit of 102.7 Jack FM to get my rock and indie fixation. (They even played Jesus Jones ‘Right Here, Right Now’ yesterday! I loved Jesus Jones and once met the lead singer, Mike Edwards, in The Swan pub in Bradford on Avon during New Year’s Eve – fancy that! Actually, that is where he is from, so he was probably just popping in for a friendly pint.)

Hoorah for the Jesus Jones boys!

Hoorah for the Jesus Jones boys!

Anyway, I heard this commercial/advert on the radio this very day for the station: ‘What would make Jack FM more annoying? Being British.’

WTF?! Cheeky buggers! What do they mean by that?! I’ve tweeted them to find out. Honestly, how rude! 😉

Here’s a bit of Jesus Jones to cheer up us much-maligned Brits….

Happy Christmas!

An American friend said to me today ‘Happy Christmas’ and then told me she was being culturally diverse by recognising my British saying. ‘Tis true! Americans don’t say that…Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays? What’s the usual greeting in the USA? I don’t know now. Oh, confused I am.

Whatever you say, have a good one!

Whatever you say, have a good one!

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 324

Christmas cards in the USA

So, in the UK, we send Christmas cards that we bought at the shop/supermarket/discount store/posh shop or we make them with crafty bits or our child’s scribbles become the main feature of the card to amuse and delight the recipient. Yes, this happens in the USA too – that’s pretty normal and standard.

BUT, the other thing that happens in the USA is the personalised photo card with ‘Happy Holidays from the SoandSo Family’ and ‘Seasons Greetings from Thingymabob Family’.

I love these! There are serious ones and smug ones, cheesey ones and funny ones. These cards are not be mocked in any way – holiday cards are serious business.

For me, though, the quirkier, more weird, oddball or hilarious the better…

Poor Jimmy.....

Poor Jimmy…..

Kind of weird

Kind of weird

:)

The merry wives of somewhere…..

Ben and Daisy

Ben and Daisy

Single, with cat

Single, with cat

Oh hahaha! (Bad parents...)

Oh hahaha! (Bad parents…)

Just no.

Just no.

There are plenty others to be amused by here.

Vote for my blog!

You only have a few more days to vote and say lovely things about my blog. So, since it is the season of giving, please give a few minutes and leave me a lovely comment on this expat competition blog site about how much you like reading my blog, how it lights up your life, changes your mood, enhances your relationship with your partner, gives you a purpose to carry on, makes you want to throw off your clothes and dance naked in the snow, and other true-ish stuff like that.

Reading my blog MIGHT make you want to do this ;)

Reading my blog MIGHT make you want to do this 😉

Cheers!

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments