Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 581

Red Nose Day in the USA

We Brits like our little customs in America-land still. And one of those is the event that is Red Nose Day / Comic Relief.

What’s this all about? ask my American friends.

Well, it’s a combination of all the people who I love most off of the British telly (comedians like Dawn French, Alan Carr, David Walliams etc) doing skits and wotnot and funny stuff, and hard stuff like swimming the Channel to raise money for good causes. And there is Davina McCall, a lot. Like, too much.

In the UK, Red Nose Day has been inspiring the public to raise money for the past 25 years and it unites the nation in fundraising to help poor and vulnerable people at home and overseas. We Brits love it!

So, my British friend organised a smashing event to raise money as only we Brits know how.

This is what it looked like:

IMG_0503 IMG_0505 IMG_0509 IMG_0514 IMG_0516

And all this fun is coming to America in May 2015! I do wonder how America will pull it off; I look forward to finding out! Will Americans really find it funny to walk around with giant red noses on? And who will replace Davina McCall? Anyone will do!

British food!

This happened in my house this weekend, courtesy of The Queen’s Grocer who sells British food. This was the American reaction to British bacon: ‘Wow, it has no fat on!’ Get yer chops round this lot!

British grub and Easter eggs - and yes, Cadbury chocs!!

British grub and Easter eggs – and yes, Cadbury chocs!!

Laters peeps! 🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 580

Things I still don’t understand about America

Oh America, I love you and weird ways!

But…. there are things I still don’t understand and I get all confuddled 😦

Like these three things that have been confusing me this week:

1. Four way crossings. Why not put in a roundabout? I just think it would make super sense. You know, for traffic flow and wotnot. BUT – people would have to learn how to indicate, cos they don’t. Really, they don’t and it drives me bananas!

2. Why do people leave either shirts, bags, or other white floppy things in the car window when they have to leave their car on the side of the highway? I’m sure it’s a safety thing and good for you, but I never quite know, and I see them A LOT! Answers purlease!

3. Why are there gaps in the toilet doors? It’s weird and slightly Peeping Tom-ish. I don’t get it. You can actually see people pooping. Yes, er, you can, ahem.

Peepo!

Peepo!

Spring is officially declared!

Bugger Punxsutawney Phil, the poor old sod. The UK Desperate Housewife has officially declared that Spring is here on the East Coast of the USA! Here is proof (even whilst there is still snow on the ground!)….

Time to get a Desperate Housewife pedicure!

Time to get a Desperate Housewife pedicure!

Let’s hear it for the flipflops!

🙂

Cheers y’all!

Posted in American customs, British, culture, expat, expat British, expat life, expats, lifestyle, UK, USA | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 579

Saying things in the English accent

I still don’t mind if Americans want me to talk to them just so they can get off on my accent. That’s cool with me. I guess it could be considered that I am pimping out my voice at parties and stuff, but hey, whatevs, my parents and my husband will just be happy I’m not ACTUALLY being pimped out, I’m sure.:)

Buggery hell, I will!

Buggery hell, I will!

Anyway, this repeated request from Americans that goes like this: ‘oooh, say something in your Englisher accent to me!’ gets on the nerves of some Brits, it appears. But not me, I’m a talker and I love saying all sorts of wotnot in my British accent. It’s helped me out no end in the USofA, so chat on, I say.

What has amused me greatly are some of the phrases that some of my British chums are asked to say by their American chums.

Cop a load of these!

‘I have a friend that keeps asking me to say “washing up liquid”!’

‘My friends think it is wonderful every time I say “have you got any sellotape?”!’

‘My American boyfriend likes it when I say “get some kitchen roll”!’

‘I have friends that make me say “pass the water” again and again!’

My friends just like it when I swear in British, mostly. 🙂

Tell me expats of Aussie, British, German, French or any other descent, what do your American friends like you to say in your accent?!

Americans can’t say the word ‘brilliant’

Sigh, try as I might, I have not come across ANY American who can say the word ‘brilliant’ in a convincing British accent. Not one American I’ve come across says it the way we say it. They just can’t seem to get the intonation right.

So I made a video to help, because it really is one of life’s essential things that you must perfect if you want to be a convincing Brit and not sound like Dick Van Bloody Dyke. I say, sod the UK Citizenship test back home and just get people just to say ‘brilliant’ a lot until they get it right.

(FYI, I look back to front in this cos I selfied it! 😉 )

Till next time folks!

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 578

Desperate goings-on in the USA today

Random things from the USA today……

1. Harry attended his elementary school dance yesterday. He was slightly disappointed by it, though, since it was ‘nothing like the Enchantment Under the Sea dance in Back to the Future with a band and where you get to choose a girl to dance with’. That’s what watching USA movies does to your brain, and I should know. I thought New York would be more of a mix of Taxi Driver and Fame!. 😉

It was not like this!

It was not like this!

2. I realised today that, when I tried to write it down, have quite forgotten how to write the British pound sign. I had to look it up 🙂 #britishexpatfail

This.

This.

3. Our flights to return to the UK from the USA are booked. The American adventure will be over in 5 months, folks. Wow. Don’t forget to read my blog From America to England to find out how all that is going (fyi, it’s emotional!)

4. When Brits get together and there is one American in the group and we start spouting forth stuff about our British culture, it’s very confusing for them. One certain reference sure to go over their heads is St. Trinian’s. Now, how to explain that little piece of 70s British culture to Americans…?!

Oh those gals!

Oh those gals!

🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 577

Make ’em laugh, British dude!

Back in September I met this British guy in NYC and we drank Bellini’s, as is the way in NYC, and talked about all things American vs British. Such fun!

Then I decided to interview him for Global Living Magazine, cos he’s funny and interesting and has a great story.

This is that story.

ChrisWilliams-page-001

ChrisWilliams-page-002

ChrisWilliams-page-003

Enjoy!

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 576

Trailing Spouse

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again ‘ Don’t call me a trailing spouse!’ – not on your/my expat nelly! It makes me shudder, really it does!

I dislike it so much that I just had to write an article about it for Global Living Magazine.

Some folks don’t have a problem with the term ‘trailing spouse’ and I applaud them for that. Each to their own in whatever expat capacity you may reside. However, my way to deal with this is to write a tongue in cheek article all about my view on the role of ‘trailing spouses’, both male and female!

‘In the expat world you can call me pretty much anything you like, within reason. Just, please, I beg of you, don’t call me a ‘trailing spouse.’

You can read it here….. (Click on image and enlarge….)

TrailingSpouse-page-001 Claire McGill

TrailingSpouse-page-002 Claire McGill

TrailingSpouse-page-003 Claire McGill

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 575

Everyone’s talking about…

In my part of the USA, here on the East Coast, everyone’s talking about the following…

The effing weather

Another snow day. That means in the past 11 weeks the children have not had a full week of school.

Yes, when?

Yes, when?

House of Cards

Those who are in to it are binge watching, and, because it is filmed in Baltimore, the plethora of extras involved, like me, are attempting to spot their heads/arms/feet/eyebrows in the various scenes we were involved in.

This is one of the scenes that I worked on with Robin Wright (Claire Underwood) and about 80 other extras in June. It was a long day!

Can you spot my head? (My hair is tied back! Go to the left, third person in on the fourth row up!). Bingo!

Me on House of Cards - woop!

Me on House of Cards – woop!

Our departure date

‘Oooh, you’re off soon then?’ people say this to me a lot at the moment. I’m slightly in denial about it, and there is so much to sort out, but we’re also going to have a ball whilst we’re here. Five and half months to go, folks. This is one of those occasions when the half is VERY important. Every second counts, as UK magician Paul Daniels used to say on his crap TV game show. 🙂

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 574

For the love of real estate

Today I’ve been discussing with my American chums the difference between a UK sestate agent and a USA real estate agent.

It appears that the USA ‘realtor’ develops a relationship with the people who are buying a house; becomes their port of call for all things; has dinner with them, changes diapers for their baby; becomes their second child’s godparent; attends to the children’s homework; eats over on the holidays; and is forever known as one of the family after the deal is done.

In the UK, we just find some bloke or bird from an office on the high street to show us around a home, which we picked out of Thursday’s local paper, in awkward silence; they give us a few pieces of paper to look at and sign; and then off they pop back to their office and off we pop off to have a drink and never shall we meet again.

That’s the nutshell difference 🙂

A typical McMansion real estate property here

A typical McMansion real estate property here

Don’t mention the war!

I love having conversations with Americans about all sorts round this neck of the woods, and invariably the conflict between us Brits and our American cousins is brought in to play for amusing effect.

This conversation ran thus:

Me: I find DC really hard to navigate round; I always get so disorientated (not disoriented, as is the American way of saying it! 😉 )

American chum: Yeah, they made it that way on purpose cos of your people….

Whether this is true or not, I applaud that quick retort!

That old war thing....

That old war thing….

(Note: Washington, D.C., is a planned city and in 1791, President Washington commissioned Pierre Charles L’Enfant, a French-born architect and city planner, to design the new capital, so, naturally, this encouraged the French to make it impossible for us Brits to navigate!)

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 573

Six degrees of separation to Harry Connick Jr

My life in the USA is kind of bizarre and that’s probably why I love it!

Last year I filmed a TV show for the Investigation Discovery Channel called Deadly Affairs: To Catch a Cheat. When you’re on set you chat, hang out and make friends with the other extras.

On set that day was Shaina from Baltimore and we did a couple of scenes together – and she was very cool. And then yesterday I see a commercial for the talent show American Idol and, blow me down, if she isn’t one of the top 24 contestants on the show!

This is ‘Shi’ (that’s her stage name), bottom left of this pic.

Shi, bottom left corner

Shi, bottom left corner

That is very, very cool. I hope she wins!

This is our scene together in the show (it’s bad quality, but hey, you can make us both out!)

http://youtu.be/2rUCYDl2Kpc

And the reason I say I now have six degrees of separation to the insanely talented Harry Connick Jr is that he was on the panel for the American Idol audition Shi attended and is one of the judges for the whole show. But what do I know about it all, I don’t watch it! But I might now that both Harry and Shi are on it!

Electric Shocks

Question: how come I keep getting electric shocks here in Columbia, MD? Like effing loads! Like on the nose of my poor cat! Like 10-15 a day. Weird.

Keep getting zapped!

Keep getting zapped!

Brits in the USA

It has come to my attention that are loads of us Brits here in the USA, especially in this area on the East Coast. I find more and more of them everyday! And they all love it here! And I love them – they’re so positive!

I’m not sure if there is a plan to take over America, or whatever, but if there is, I missed that memo. 😉

Taking my plate

Argh, it’s been nearly three years and this still bothers me in restaurants: taking my plate before the other person or people I am eating with have finished.

It’s just not deemed to be a British table etiquette thing and I can’t help but balk at it when it happens. But, when it happens, I just smile and say sorry and thanks, though, because that it is my British way 😉

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Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 572

School uniforms in the USA?

Nah, this isn’t going to happen in public schools (that’s regular state schools to us Brits, not posh wotnot schools) in the USA.

But…maybe it should. My American friend’s teenage daughter has been through an ordeal in her American middle school because of what she was wearing. And it wasn’t tarty, saucy or provocative in any way shape or form. And yet she’s been pulled aside by the school admin who think what she wore – or rather ‘how’ she wore it – was inappropriate.

This is my friend’s blog post about the incident. It’s an interesting read, and very frustrating too. I’d definitely welcome Brit and American thoughts on the benefits of wearing school uniform – I understand that this could happen with a uniform shirt too, of course. I’m not one for uniforms per se, because I like to express my personality with my clothes, and even when I did have a school uniform I managed to hitch up my skirt an inch and sometimes rolled my socks down, which was expressly forbidden at my school.

But that teenage rebellion aside, this is a story about what a particular American teenage girl has been through, and it’s more a story focusing on women who do this kind of body shaming to young women/girls. Why I find it interesting is that this discussion has happened in the UK to some extent when kids have disobeyed school uniform rules, but perhaps not to this degree within this very American remit of non-uniformed attire and the impact this can have in many ways on the kids. I welcome your thoughts!

School uniforms UK style

School uniforms UK style

These are some of the messages of support to my friend and her daughter:

  • At school there are so many other issues to get concerned about for the kids and for the kids to be worried about. I had my arms covered on national TV here in the USA because they were worried they would offend middle America during the daytime. They are arms ffs. I would suggest that the woman (?) who is harassing her actually has body issues herself (we all do but some are more extreme) and that she has issues with teenage girls and their bodies because of it. Ergo, the problem is not with your daughter. #womenbefree
  •  Your anger and outrage are completely justifiable. I hope that it can somehow launch a real, open discussion with the young women and men in the room who are bombarded with mixed, damaging messages. Judgment and shaming have to be taken out of the enforcement measures.
  • I’ll weigh in again and echo what I said yesterday and what some have said here: it seems highly subjective, which makes it a detriment and not enforceable or useful in any meaningful way.

    Didn’t you say she’s worn the top previously and not been rep
    rimanded? Why is this a focus when clearly the top was not worn with an intent to flaunt the rules? That subjectivity along with the way it was handled (in front of peers, pulling in another administrator for “back-up”) worries me on several levels. Self esteem is a big deal for middle school students (okay, it’s a big deal for many people regardless of age), and how this was handled does everything about making her question her clothes and body and little about objectivity, learning, education and being role models for youth.

    When did our youth become so unable to exercise self-control that having one’s shirt ride up becomes cause for such a response? THAT troubles me, too. Perhaps they should focus on teaching those distracted to focus on schoolwork and that it’s no business of theirs what others wear.

    Not everyone dresses like the Mean Girls

    Not everyone dresses like the Mean Girls

    Harry will be wearing school uniform next year back in the UK, and to be honest I can’t wait – sooooo much easier!

British at the Oscars!

What a great night for the Brits at the Oscars! From Benedict Cumberbatch sneaking in his hip flask (whisky I’m guessing) and mouthing ‘go away’ at the cameras; to the chaps who referred to the Oscars as ‘big buggers’ (we Brits swear so eloquently!); to Eddie Redmayne looking all suave and sophisticated, plus many others, it was a great night for the Brits!

What a cheeky chap!

What a cheeky chap!

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