Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 350

Valentine’s Day – Bah Bloody Humbug!

(Note: grumpy Brit post follows… πŸ˜‰ )

I’ve already had it with Valentine’s Day and the ‘everybody gets a card’ nonsense at school and it’s only January. Is this ridiculousness happening in the UK, British chums?

I hope not.

Valentine's Day USA stylie....

Valentine’s Day USA stylie….

I had a list from school that had all the kids’ names on and Harry has to give all of them a card, and if he wants to, he can add in candy and stickers. Well, I’m in charge and I don’t want to, thanks.

Ugh! This is a load of b*llocks, really it is.

Here’s why….

a) Harry is not in training to be a Mormon and, although he is only six and currently not searching for a wife (or husband), as far as I am aware, I understand that polygamy is not legal in either Maryland or back in the UK. No need, therefore, to declare love for his entire Kindergarten class.

b) I think it’s quite character building for kids to get their hearts broken, no matter how young. Looks, it’s going to happen some time, and when the gorgeous (but conceited and uptight) Gwendolyn dumps you for the handsome (but dumb and brawny) school quarter back (or fly-half, if we’re back in the UK) when you’re 15, Harry, then at least you’ll have had some experience and you can handle it and get on with life, even though I’m sure you’ll still need some time kicking a football around aimlessly, looking dejected, with your hands in your pockets. Rejection, and learning to deal with it, is part of growing up.

c) I understand that the ‘love’ declared in these sweet (read as ‘sickly’) cards is all about friendship, but Harry does hanker after one special chick, and to be honest, she deserves a special homemade card all of her own. That’s how it used to work in our day, am I right?! Damn straight I am! I will be encouraging him to make her a special card πŸ™‚

d) After card no. 8 Harry will no doubt get bored with writing in them (there are like 23 kids of something ridiculous in his class) and then I will have to pretend to write his name out for him (oh no, there’s no anonymity or element of surprise and guessing who wants to win your heart on this Valentine’s Day). Doing this will make me extremely grumpy.

e) We will receive 23 cards back and I will put them in a pile for about 48 hours and then recycle them.

f) The kids will be high on candy and will be sticking stickers all over the house, which will generally be crappy for everyone.

g) I believe in inclusivity, for sure, but this takes the piss. I can’t stand the ‘Everyone’s a winner’, ‘You all are the best’, ‘Everyone got a trophy’, ‘We all did good’ (I especially dislike the last one both grammatically and sentimentally.)

So, whilst I shall do as I have been asked and purchase these cards (can I get charity ones?) and encourage Harry to write them out, all in all, I think it’s a joke.

Yeah, rant over! (That felt good!)

The good old school days when you declared your love for someone and got all embarrassed about it.

The good old school days when you declared your love for someone and got all embarrassed about it.

17 British Slang Words and Phrases Most Americans Might Not Understand

I talk a lot. Fact.
I talk a lot with British slang and phrases and colloquialisms thrown in.
I write a lot. Fact. So, therefore, I have written about British slang and phrases and colloquialisms that I use when I talk.
Here it is! Enjoy!

And Fanny's your aunt!

And Fanny’s your aunt!

Oprah!

Hey, I did not know that the TV show host / movie star / weight loss guru goddess that is Oprah Winfrey was the host of a daytime program in Baltimore, and lived in The Cove in Wilde Lake, Columbia, MD! No way!

I loved The Color Purple, Oprah :)

I loved The Color Purple, Oprah πŸ™‚

Read more here – cool! πŸ™‚

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9 Responses to Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 350

  1. Andy says:

    I think its the American obssession with not hurting anyones feelings. Everyone gets a card so everyone feels good about themselves (Hey, I’m loved!). If kids give out their own cards (as they should), the kids that don’t get one will feel unloved and unwanted like Charlie Brown… or more likely they won’t give a toss because they are kids. Their parents on the other hand will wring their hands and say “why didn’t my wonderful child get ONE valentines card? This must end now!” and so we’re at the ridiculous situation you are in now. God forbid some American kid should get his/her feelings hurt, because you know, that never happens in real life does it?

    Save the cards you get this year, use a lot of white-out and recycle them next year, that’s my advice.

  2. Andrew says:

    I think it’s nice to give the whole class a
    card. That’s how it was done when I was a kid back in the mid-1980’s.

    So glad I could share a Columbia factoid with you!

  3. Gary A says:

    Your blog is brilliant. I invite you to come and share your pearls of wisdom and humor on Facebook in a wonderful Anglo American group.

    ” I Woke up in Mill Hill East Station”

    Hope to see you there !!

  4. VictoriaK says:

    I could not agree more about the “not hurting anyone’s feelings.” (Remember, I wrote about how our daughter’s school held “Locker Orientation” at the middle school so students wouldn’t feel bad for not knowing how to spin the combination lock.) By third grade our son could not care less about Valentine’s, just the candy; by about the same time our daughter chose to mail cards to a select close set of friends and didn’t bother with the classroom nonsense.

  5. KateC says:

    I lived in Canada from ages 7 to 10 so the handing out of Valentine’s cards to the whole class was also done there. One year I found a rock in my homemade mailbox- was not sure whether to take it as a compliment or to be offended!

  6. meowclaire says:

    Love the rant about Valentines Day. It is getting more commercial here in the UK as well, like you I have no time for it. I suppose it is no doubt it is huge in America, as everything is celebrated to the max there. I agree that the cards should only go to the one you are really after. Why doesn’t the school give the parents a break and say no sweets or cards for Valentines Day as it is a nothing celebration πŸ™‚ Bah humbug from a fellow Brit.X

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