Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 266

Rock, paper, scissors, gun

Yes, this is the new version of the old favourite playground game ‘Rock, paper, scissors’.

When playing this game with Harry to while away the hours on the [actually very short] trip to Florida my five-year old son promptly added ‘Gun – I win!’ and mimicked a gun shooting at me.

Goodness me, I said (or words to that effect – I am not one for words of the mild variety).

Guns, boys, games…..interesting combo. I know not if the ‘gun’ is an added extra in the American version of ‘Rock, paper, scissors’ or if it’s just evolved to make it a little bit more ‘interesting’.

However it has evolved or if it is an American thing I don’t know, but I do know this: I definitely won the next round by pulling out all the stops by mimicking a great big f*ck off machine gun, much to his surprise 😉

The old-fashioned way!

The old fashioned way!

Florida, tourism central

Hoorah, we’re working the tourism trail Orlando-style! The sunshine state does not disappoint, with its heat, alligators, fast cars, theme parks and spikey tropical frigging grass that cuts up your feet (note to self – wear flip flops).

Happy to be here as a tourist person thingymajig

Happy to be here as a tourist person thingymajig

Anyway, here’s my [tongue-in-cheek] overview of the theme parks so far:

1. Universal Studios. Argh, the wait times! Did my noggin in.
2. The rides. Give me a roller coaster over a simulated ride anytime. Being in an enclosed area with computer generated stuff thrust constantly in my face and being randomly jerking about in spasms, all whilst sat next to a stranger holds little appeal in comparison to being flipped about inside out and upside down whilst screaming at the top of my lungs, holding on for dear life and feeling like I want to puke up my Dippin’ Dots, all whilst being sat next to a stranger.
3. People watching. Yes, totally marvelous for people watching. Why are all the Brits at the theme parks Northern (apart from us)? I never know the answer to this.
4. Parade peeps. I think all the gals who smile and laugh and charm the kiddiwinks whilst wearing their ‘family faces’ during the 5 o’clock parade can’t wait to rip off their flower hats and tutus and change up their smile and laugh and charm the blokes with their ‘stripper faces’ in the strip joints during their 10 o’clock parade (and rip off their whatevers…). And earn some proper money. I love those gals and guys in the parade. I wish I had been one of them in my gap year 😉
5. Killer whale and dolphin shows. Yep, there is a lump in the throat when I watch these things and I want to take all of them home and love them forever. But the shows are all much more choreographed than I remember them being 30 years ago. And I think I was just a little bit sick in my mouth when I watched the four male trainers sort of dancing to a song about saving the planet whilst wearing their wetsuits and non-slip sandals, (although I totally dig the sentiment, just not the execution of the message). But hey, it was a small, cheesy price to pay for some an incredible whale show.
6. Dolphins. They do not respond to my call in the same way my cats do. Fact.

I love these beautiful creatures

I love these beautiful creatures

America, I have to say it – you are King of the Theme Parks!

Other random stuff in Florida

I have noticed that the fire hydrants are orange in Orange County, FL. Is this on purpose?! I hope so, cos I like it 🙂

See, tis orange!

See, tis orange!

We took a little walk round by our villa…..to be confronted by a sign:

I hear ya!

I hear ya!

I’m still waiting to see one up close…..although even I won’t break the rules to get entice one up and out of the water!

Denny’s – it’s everywhere! Hoorah!

Woop, woop!

Woop, woop!

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8 Responses to Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 266

  1. pak152 says:

    “I know not if the ‘gun’ is an added extra in the American version of ‘Rock, paper, scissors’” nope something new and very inventive of your son, as was your response.
    don’t know how old the lad is but consider taking him and yourself to a firing range sometime to learn about gun safety and to fire some guns. will be a good experienec

  2. Andy says:

    I’m not sure you’re my favorite blogger right now. We had snow flurries and temps in the low 30’s here in Colorado today.

  3. Phil says:

    They discourage feeding alligators because that tends to erode their natural fear of humans, making them bolder and more dangerous. I totally understand about the grass. I lived in FL for years and that St. Augustine type grass is NOT soft and comforting to bare feet! It’s a PIA to keep lush and healthy, too (very susceptible to bugs, requires a ton of water, etc).

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