Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 248

Women in Maryland

Apparently, the best place in America to be a woman is Maryland. Well, that’s good to know! Maryland has the biggest opportunities for high-level jobs, money and healthcare, according to the non-partisan educational institute called the Center for American Progress.

Yep, when it comes to economics, leadership and health, women fare best in Maryland – the state received a grade of “A” when it comes to women having the lowest wage gap, high-ranking jobs and a low poverty rate.

The state of Louisiana came in last with a grade of “F”. 😦

Hawaii ranked just after Maryland as the second best place for women to live.

I think I could live here too!

I think I could live here too!

I think I might just like to try Hawaii at some point!

This news makes me happy to be a woman in Maryland, though I know it’s not picture perfect for everyone……

American jokes / jokes about Americans

I wanted to find out what was considered the funniest American joke this year – like we Brits have the Edinburgh Fringe funniest one-liner of the festival. This year it was Rob Auton’s gag that won (shortlisted by a group of comedy experts before it was put to the fans’ vote): “I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.” (It’s not THAT funny, but it’s amusing! If it needs explaining, American chums, just let me know… 😉 )

Anyway, I couldn’t find anything that resembled this (if there is something, please advise!). Instead I stumbled upon a grumpy website that generally is out to diss Americans through the medium of ‘joke’. Some of them are just plain mean and a little xenophobic….. but I do wonder how Americans feel about some of these…..

Joke 1. An American was telling one of his favorite jokes to a group of friends. “Hell is a place where the cooks are British, the waiters are French, the policemen are Germans, and the trains are run by Italians.”

The lone European in the group pondered all this for a second and responded, “I can’t say about the police and the trains, but you’re probably right about going out to eat. A restaurant in Hell would be one where the cooks are British and the waiters are French – and the customers are all Americans.”

Yep, British cooking always gets a rough ride!

Yep, British cooking always gets a rough ride!

Joke 2. What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?
“Technologically backward”

What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?
“Economically underdeveloped.”

What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?

The butt of the joke? Surely not!

The butt of the joke? Surely not!

Joke 3. The hostess at a British historical site was trying to arrange tours for the visitors, so that they could hear the tour in their respective languages. “Auf Deutsch, hier”, she called out, and “Francais ici”. As the tourists separated into groups, one man was left in the middle. She walked over to him and asked, “Do you speak English?”.

The man responded with a bemused look, “Well, ma’am, I’ve been in your country three weeks, and I’m not sure anymore, so I’ll let you decide. I’m an American.”

Funny or not?

Funny or not?

Joke 4. On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said: “Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of bears and eagles, beautifully sparkling lakes bountiful with trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon.” God continued, “I shall make the land rich in oil so that the inhabitants will prosper. I shall call these inhabitants “Canadians”, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth.”

“But Lord,” asked Gabriel, “don’t you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?”

“Not really,” replied God. “Just wait and see the neighbors I’m going to give them.

Buddies really :)

Buddies really 🙂

Anyway, enough of that. Us Brits spent a few decades making jokes about the Irish – I haven’t heard any recently, probably because times have changed with that kind of thinking and some of them were pretty offensive (okay, and a teeny tiny bit funny in the 1980s).

Poor American folk, I had no idea that you were the butt of so many jokes! Still, feel free to take the piss out of* us Brits whenever you like – we can take it on the chin!

(*Fyi, ‘taking the piss’ is a British term meaning to take liberties at the expense of others, or it is used to mean – as in this context – ‘taking the piss out of’, which is an expression meaning to mock, tease, ridicule, or scoff. It is also not to be confused with ‘taking a piss’, which refers to the act of urinating.) Phew!

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6 Responses to Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 248

  1. I didn’t find the jokes offensive but I didn’t find them funny either. Number 3 probably comes the closest to being funny but only because I’m familiar with how Brits feel about “American” English.

    Good news about Maryland eh? It’s a nice state.

  2. Jason says:

    One of my favorites, from An American Werewolf in London.

  3. Pat and Pam says:

    I like 3 the best, followed by 4. (Said the Yank living in the UK.)

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