Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 95

British humour
An American friend sent these little quips below to me with the title of her email reading:
British Humour is Better!

Whatever your view (and I guess I am a little biased), these are examples of British humour (that’s humour with a ‘u’!) that have obviously been tickling some Americans as it’s been doing ‘the rounds’ via email.

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in UK Newspapers:

8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

Must sell washer and dryer Β£100.

Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

And the WINNER is…

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, Β£200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Finally, a thought from the ‘Greatest Living Scottish Thinker’, Billy Connolly:

“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

Are these the finest examples of British humour? Probably not, but they raise a smile. But I do like the fact that they are being shared between Americans as examples of how our humours are different.

What makes it different, and why these would not be perceived as American examples of humour, I am not sure. Maybe it’s something to do with the British ability to be dry, cutting, sarcastic and self deprecating all in one go…..


Long Fence
So, let me explain in the most simple terms possible.

Many gardens in the area in which I live are not fenced. They are open. It is quite rare to see a fenced garden.

Our neighbours, however, have a fenced garden. And everyone who has come to stay has commented on the sign on the longest side of the fence, which we can see from our deck, that simply says ‘Long Fence’. “Is that there so they knew which bit was the long fence when they put it up?” they’ve asked, very much amused by it.



I’ve shrugged and laughed and not bothered too much about it, as it seems that every fence that you do come across has ‘Long Fence’ written on it round these parts.

Anyhow, I heard an advert on the radio just the other day which explained the phenomena of the ‘Long Fence’…..

It’s just a company called Long Fence, who obviously get all the jobs in this vicinity for putting up fences. And that’s it. Long Fence. Just, in case you do need a fence.

I got me an award for my blog about being an expat in the USA thanks to all the readers of it who shared and liked my competition entry on Facebook, and left lovely comments, so thanks awfully for that! It’s always super duper to win!

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4 Responses to Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 95

  1. Sarah Davies says:

    Well done Claire! X

  2. john says:

    Whenever someone asks me what kind of dog I have I always reply “shes half border collie and half opportunist.” Reading your British humor reminded me of this.

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