Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 88

A year since I visited….

I visited this nation exactly one year ago for five whole days in order to get a look at the area, the schools, the location, the facilities, and, of course, the mall.

I remember saying I liked it, yes I can live here, and yes it will do very nicely.

The weather, I recall, was amazing. I recall this explicitly because I had to go to the mall and buy myself a band new pair of shorts, and I sat out in the sunshine getting all tanned up before I caught my plane home.


My visit is logged in Chapter 6 of my blog – do bear in mind that it is a very early blogging journal of my thoughts on the place.

There are few things worth picking up on from my initial observations (in italics):

1. “FACT: I will need to amend how I write the date – in Yankeeland dates will be 2/23/2012. A strange, small, insignificant detail that highlights quite a huge cultural divide. Hmmm.”

I still have to double-check myself with this. It is very confusing indeed. I did, however, automatically write ‘check’ instead of ‘cheque’ the other day though….

2. “Main observations so far: freeway driving (kind of serene), awesomeness (it just is), gumbo prawns (holy crap, they’re good!), extreme politeness (big love), restrooms (simply amuses me) and gospel Sunday morning TV (yikes, freaky).”

So, I do still like the driving, despite the fact that you have to drive EVERYWHERE and yes, everyone still says ‘awesome’ far too much.


But the thing that is really starting to grate is the extreme politeness – how odd that is! ‘You have a great day, ma’am’ just seems robotic, and I’m not sure if she/he really means it. It’s a great sentiment, thank you very much, and I shall certainly endeavour to do so, but some days are pretty sh*tty, so whilst she/he tried admirably with their wishes, guess what – it didn’t work out like that.

What was at first endearing is sadly becoming a tad nauseating. And I find this interesting, because it is partly to do with differing cultures and upbringings and schoolings and partly to do with the fact that I don’t want my son to become a Stepford robot child….

3. “Today: we encountered several “I love your accent” and “the way you talk is awesome” comments…”

Yep, that still happens – ‘I love the way you talk’, ‘Say cardiovascular again’, ‘Say bottom’, ‘Say cup of tea’, ‘Say Harry’, ‘Say mummy’, ‘Say b*llocks’, that sort of thing. And I really don’t mind it at all – in fact it is amusing and I like that I am different in America. I sometimes have to warn big groups of Americans that I am British before I start talking about whatever I talk about so that they are not completely thrown by my lovely, Downton Abbey-esque, Harry Potter-inspired, plummy private school accent 😉

4. “RESTROOMS – yes, you can see through the gap…”

Yes you can, in pretty much every restroom. Even at the pool restrooms, where I got a right old eyeful of a 79 year old’s bum cleavage as I waited (she had to take everything off….). It’s not pleasant, America, really it’s not.

And as much as I like living here, it would be wrong of me not to mention my homesickness on occasion and yearning for things that I know and love. I am to be a guest blogger on the amazing site Smitten by Britain, writing about what I appreciate more about Britain since living in America – see for all things appreciative of Britain (check it out – you will love it!). I will let you know when my guest blog is being showcased! 🙂

Mother’s day x 2

So, there was British Mother’s Day happening this weekend across the pond and I was kind of hoping I might reap the benefits of celebrating both UK and USA Mother’s Days, but sadly this was not to be, and to be honest I think this is a little unfair.

I will be celebrating St Patrick’s Day, St George’s Day and (ironically) July 4th, so why not two Mother’s Days…..?


Fried Oreos

In a bar, out of town, on the chalkboard it stated that they sold DEEP FRIED OREOS WITH ICE CREAM. Surely not? This is outrageous and should be outlawed.

So I ordered some.

photo (35)

They were vile. Every single one of them…. 😉

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9 Responses to Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 88

  1. Nicole says:

    Two things:

    1) After reading your thoughts on “awesome” I went and double checked our FB email conversation, I thought for sure I used awesome in there, nope!

    2) You haven’t heard polite until you go to South Carolina, seriously. They’re accent combined with the natural American tendency to say “have a good day” is like getting deep fried oreos; sweet at first but a little gluttonous.

  2. Nicole says:

    Their, not they’re. FML

  3. wordbones says:

    Now you can use “cardiovascular” with “deep fried Oreo’s” in the same conversation, providing endless amusement for us Yanks. That will be awesome.


  4. When you release your book, it wil be a bestseller. This one was hilarious as ever! Cant wait for the next one:)

  5. jacqueline moore says:

    regarding restrooms-and the british amusement at the term-they really began as rooms for women to rest!- frontier towns had saloons hardware stores livery stables gaming houses etc. but no place for women (not prostitute category) to even sit down, much less nurse babies, take care of…ahem…feminine needs, shall we say…Laura Ingalls Wilder (you’ve heard of her?) was an early proponent of these, and rallied other women to the cause in her early newspaper column:”As A Missouri Housewife Sees It”, written under the byline Mrs. A.J. Wilder. Brits didnt have uncivilized land being newly settled and it doesn’t occur to them, so they often say just call it the toilet! But it began as a refuge for decent females. If you’ve ever seen Deadwood, you’d have wanted a room to rest too-preferably one with padded walls and lots of bolts on the door.

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