Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 56

Mitt’s magic pants (underwear to my US followers)

So, magic pants do not work. Fact.

Wrestler-turned-politician Jesse Ventura, Governor of Minnesota from 1999 to 2003, said earlier this year: “You know why Mitt Romney should not be the President? I don’t want someone in the highest office that believes in magic underwear.”

Has he tried Spanx? They are magic. They pull in the tummy, bum and wobbly bits. Try these next time, Mitt. They are $75 a pair. And they have ones with gussets that open so you don’t have to pull them off every time you need a wee, though I find these a little bit gross (dribble factor).

Post-election fever is rife in the USA. Some people are a little bit miffed, some are elated. Four more years, chant many people.

What did Obama do last night?

Did he and Michelle have a ‘special cuddle’ I wonder? A beer? Jump in the hot tub? I should very much like to know.

Political views – ooer!

I have been asked about views on the following things by

Gambling – yes, very happy for anyone to have a flutter. I understand that there was no gambling in Maryland, and that everyone took their money to Virginia instead where there are a lot of slot machines and roulette tables. Maryland voters decided on Tuesday to expand gambling to legalize table games like blackjack and a casino at National Harbor along the Potomac River near DC. More money, jobs, economy boost etc.

The lovely, and hot, Governor Martin O’Malley was pro-gambling and if he were to offer me a night out at the tables, I would gladly join him for a game of blackjack and a few cocktails in a slinky black number and heels (me, not Martin).

Gay marriage – hurrah! Maryland made history after approving same-sex marriage at the ballot. Same-sex marriage has been a hard-fought battle since the super dooper Governor Martin O’Malley first signed it into law in March. Marvellous Martin said this: “I truly believe tonight what the people of Maryland came together and concluded was this: that every child’s home deserves to be protected equally under the law.”

So now I need to find some gay chums so that I can be invited to a fabulous gay wedding, because they are the best fun EVER.

Dream act – this is all about education, of which I am a big advocate. Yey to the Dream act! This means that students brought to the United States illegally as children, who now want to pursue higher education here — won their battle for in-state tuition breaks at the state’s public colleges and universities.

They are here, they are part of the country, let them have a dream too (and make it about education, not winning the X Factor).

Puffing in Colorado and Washington

Did you know that one of the outcomes from all the hoo-hah (great word) yesterday was that they have legalized marijuana in Colorado and Washington? I am a bit bemused by this, because marijuana is still illegal in the eyes of the federal government, which overrules states’ rights. Oh, law is so confusing, which is why I took literature instead.

How different Dynasty would be now with a stoned Krystle Carrington, rolling one out on the bed with Blake. Remake Dynasty! Now that would be ace!

French fries

Harry has stated that ‘French Fries’ is not an American word; it must be French. I see his logic.


We took a drive out of town yesterday and I started to get hit by the changing landscape, as we descended into the land of tower blocks and motels. It was pretty run-down and pretty creepy.

Now, I’ve always thought I might want to stop off at a motel – I’ve seen many movies (Buffalo 66, Kalifornia, and of course Psycho) where staying at a motel was possibly the worst decision ever made, but there is still something charming and very American about motels and I thought it might be worth a try. Not any more. To be honest, they look pretty manky and offer not much else than bed bugs and TVs full of porn channels. I think I’ll knock that wish off my American bucket list.

Turning on red

By the by, one of the best USA rules is turning right on red (if it is safe to do so, of course). This ensures traffic is flowing, which may be why I like driving here so much. Think about it, UK traffic people.

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5 Responses to Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 56

  1. Kevin I. in Columbia says:

    Where do my partner and I fill out an application to be your gay chums? No wedding plans yet, but definitely in the next couple years 😀

  2. EmmaK says:

    losing patience over here when people you thought were normal suddenly come up to you and say ‘i don’t mind them getting married’ (translation:I do) but we can’t redefine the definition of marriage. Bullshit. Says WHO?? who even defined the definition of marriage in the first place anyway and surely the definition can be changed. I’m with you everything went so well with the voting! hurrah for the passing of Question 6 in maryland!!

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