Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 38

The mall smell

I may have mentioned that our town does not have a distinguishing smell. You know how you smell familiar smells, and think ‘oh that reminds me of the time we were in…’ – delete as appropriate – Greece/Spain/London/Bristol/Bridgewater (very smelly in Bridgewater, not pleasant). Our town does not smell of – delete as appropriate – cut grass/pizza/coffee/drains/sea water etc. It does not smell of anything. It is clean and clear and clinical.

However, Harry and I took a turn around the mall, which is about as clean and clear and clinical as you can get, and as we went outside I saw a man walking past us, and I smelt something! Woa, not just any old smell, but CANNABIS! Right up the nostrils, it was the smell of weed. Here? In CleanTown?! No way!

As we walked on and I contemplated his bravado of smoking drugs in a public, child-infested area outside the mall, I heard the sirens. Yep, here come the police. They pulled up, scooped him up and that was the end of his day.

“Adverts suck”

This was the cry of my four-year old, whilst watching TV. He’s right, the adverts (or commercials) do suck. I watched an eight minute advert for the sale of the DVDs of Carol Burnett the other day, just out of interest. And I still didn’t want to buy it, even if she created the genius character of Miss Hannigan in Annie, possibly the best movie drunk, other than Dudley Moore’s Arthur. For discussion…..

US views on UK quirks

One of my favourite things of Facebook is the Union Jack’s pub commentary on things they find amusing about the British. They regularly post fun facts about the UK. These are some of them:

FUN UK FACT: Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked mannequin.

FUN UK FACT: The state of Florida is actually bigger than the UK!

FUN UK FACT: In the UK you actually have to acquire a TV license annually (for 145 pounds) before you can get your cable package to watch TV!

FUN UK FACT: In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That’s where the phrase, “goodnight, sleep tight” came from.

FUN UK FACT: The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes…

FUN UK FACT: If you kill a deer whilst driving, you cannot eat it, however the next person who comes along can.

FUN UK FACT: There are more chickens than humans in England.

FUN UK FACT: The first public zoo in England opened in London in 1829. It was also the world’s first!

FUN UK FACT: In Scotland it is illegal to be a drunk, in possession of a cow.

FUN UK FACT: One of England’s quaintest traditional event is the cheese rolling competition in Brockworth, Gloucestershire. Every year in May people chase Double Gloucester cheese down the steep Cooper’s Hill. The tradition is said to have originated with fertility rites in Roman times. Other cheese rolling events exist in England, for example at the Uffington White Horse in Oxfordshire.

Tis funny what they find funny about us!

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