Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 36

Stink bug city

These little critters are everywhere.

They look like this:

They are horrible and appear at a moment’s notice. And there are lots of the buggers.  They are native to China and were accidentally introduced into the USA in 1998. Well, they’ve been breeding incessantly since then. Shops sell Stink Bug Slayer Control Spray when there are extra special outbreaks of them. Harry is very good at taking them outside again (without killing them, he says) using his Ben 10 aliens. I knew plastic junk had a use.

Renaissance Festival 

This festival is an array of medieval marvellousness and is massive in Maryland. My husband was very sceptical about going, since his last encounter with anything medieval was a wet, dreary Sunday in the Forest of Dean where a few village Am-Drammers were dressed in ropes and sacks, putting on West Country accents (though why they needed to when they had the accents to begin with is beyond me), setting up mock conversations and calling each other ‘sire’ and ‘m’lud’ and pretending to drink ale from rubbishly-made tankards. As you can imagine, he was not sure what to expect with RennFest – and lo, he was astounded!

With RennFest think big, costumed, American-West Country accents, food, food, food, beer, food, jousting, stilts, fairies, goblins, pirates, kings, Robin Hood etc etc. Games galore, sunshine pouring down, cheese rolling (yes, I did mention to a lady-in-waiting that I had previously lived in the cheese-rolling county, to which she replied in her American West-Country accent, “Aye, in Lackford they adore to roll cheese.” I did not bother to correct her about Cooper’s Hill, since there was an audience and I think she may have found me irritating). We loved it.

How to annoy a man in his late 30s

You are a man nearing 40. You go into a bar. An American barmaid in her late 20s gushes about your British accent. You feel flattered and engage in conversation.

The barmaid in her late 20s says she really, really loves the British accent and asks the man in his late 30s if he has a son.

Yes, says the man in his late 30s, he is four.

Oh, replies the barmaid in her late 20s, I was hoping you had a son my age.

Man in his late 30s, nearing 40, does not feel quite so flattered and dis-engages with conversation.


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3 Responses to Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 36

  1. Deborah elliott says:

    Very interesting and funny as always, those bugs sound a nuisance.xx

  2. Laurel says:

    Hahahahahaha! Poor old Jel! x

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