Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 23

Being British

I am having a wander (child-free = much more relaxed) round a supermarket with a list of five things. Milk, corn on the cob, steak, wine and beer. The first three are easy peasy, but I am having trouble finding the booze aisle.

It’s not at either end as one would expect in Tesco, for example. In the middle section as in Waitrose? Nope, not there either. I wander around again, seeking advice from the signs that dangle from the ceiling. Nothing doing there.

I approach a friendly shop person in overalls (they all wear overalls).

Hello there, could you tell me where I can find wine and beer, please?

Geoff steps back in shock. Ma’am, we don’t sell alcohol in stores, that’s the State law.

You what, Geoff? Are you having a laugh? Geoff must think us British are just plain dumb (note).

I refer back to chapter 22 and their funny Rules. Why they hell not?

Ma’am, you’ll have to go to a liquor store for that. There’s one just across the way.

So off I pop to the liquor store, with its plethora of brown bags so that ‘folks’ (note) don’t walk around SHOWING the alcohol they have bought – God forbid!

To top it off, I get asked for ID at the liquor store. Man, have you seen my crow’s feet? I’ll show you my stretch marks if needs be. ID is required on the person at all times. For this purpose, I am going to have to get my man a man-bag, because it is mighty annoying carrying around his stuff as well as mine.

Addiction cured

My moniker is MonkeyMoo and it has been 7 days since I looked at and commented on the Daily Mail online entertainment section. I feel a better person for it, and my addiction to trash is now cured. Hoorah!

Walk in wardrobe

I love this wardrobe. It makes me happy just to open it and walk in and look at the colour combinations and walk out again.

Cell phones

We spent three miserable hours in the Mall trying to get my cell phone. Again, the bloody silly Rules thing.
No, I don’t have a Social Security number. Sigh.

Still, the cell phone situation is now rectified, and I also managed to sample a lot of food at the food court and get myself a lunchtime cocktail in the sunshine to numb the pain.

And all is well again.

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