Desperate English Housewife in Washington, chapter 5

Double walk-in wardrobe fixation…..

If you watch the excellent trash that is Desperate Housewives, you’ll remember Gabriella’s bedroom / walk-in wardrobe / ensuite-bathroom mix. That’s like ours that is.

I can’t stop looking at the house plans. I’m in love.

So, this is the idea…. On the left there will be the colour-co0rdinated, item specific autumn/winter collection and on the right the colour-coordinated, item specific spring/summer collection. Shoes in bedroom 3, handbags in bedroom 4. Judging by the harsh winters, one might need a space for snow-suits. That’ll be in the walk-in cupboard off the hall, then.

Shooting the breeze…

Sounds like a fun day out at the Mall…..

And this is an encouraging read….

However, I am totally aware that I am not going to be subjected to the dangers of mindless criminal gun-toting behaviour on a daily basis (much like I would not be subjected to gangstering – or whatever it’s called – or recurring terrorist threats when living in London). Will we own a gun? Not on your nelly.

Lost and found…..

‘Tis not usual that I lose things. However, a large bundle of paperwork regarding our venture had temporarily gone missing. I am to blame. I put it “somewhere safe”. Hmmm.

It contained info on a preliminary visit, which, I am now told, is on the cards. Getting the passports out for an alternative trip, what do I find? Said info! Who put it in the passport drawer? Moi. Why? Hell only knows.

Anyway, this information is v v v v important and I gives me hope for a passage out there early next year to do the old reccy thing. Maryland in the Spring. I’m there, with comfortable boots on (sort of).

How do I fund this trip? By selling loads and loads and loads of clothes, that’s how. And shoes. And handbags. BRING ON THE SALE OF THE FRIGGING CENTURY!  Friends, relatives, friends of friends and relatives will be invited to this extravaganza. An at home clothes sale (many still have labels on – judge me if you will.)


I have made many lists. Many, many, many lists. I do love a list.

I recently told a friend that I was moving to America and that I was lucky to have this trip as it gave me the opportunity to actually mention America, to which she replied “Yes, like having an affair, when you drop their name into conversation”. An odd reply, which may require further perusal….. So, yes, we’re taking a trip over to suss out YankieDoodleLand.

School visits are booked, dinner at the house, a “moms'” tea party, and a good old look around the mall, villages and parks.

First thoughts:

1) Must get up at 8am whilst there and do a ‘school run’ round the freeway to see what it’s like in the mornings – apparently the traffic’s horrendous, and no doubt will be more so if I forget to drive on the right.

2) “Moms'” tea party……..yikes, the thought petrifies me!

The lovely people who currently live in the lovely, big, massive, lovely, huge, enormous house that we will move to have been sending helpful emails about stuff – do we want to buy their chest freezer/car/tallboy. I have no idea what a tallboy is, but it will certainly make a nice change from a short husband…..(in joke).

It’s quite painful waiting and, as I’ve mentioned before, I am not a particularly patient person. I’m saving every penny I can to go to America – for instance, I have not bought anything since November. November, dear reader. No clothes, no shoes, no nuffink.  Much respect to me, previous shopping addict, I think you’ll agree.

Whoop, whoop, the clothes sale was a success……

I have effectively now got enough money to take the whole of Pumpkin and Pieface’s front left paw to America. I am so glad that the cats can’t read this, since this denotes favouritism, which, I should like to clarify, it isn’t; it’s merely because within the alliteration Pumpkin always comes first. I shall raise the rest of the funds somehow, and all of Pieface will make it to Obama’s Land of Plenty (and cat-eating racoons, allegedly).

I am in no doubt that the summer will be amazing out there, so if I know me, which I obviously do, I will resent being stuck in the house unpacking stuff, and Harry and I will want to explore and play in the garden and woods, every now and then answering the front door to receive baskets of cookies and cups of sugar from well-meaning middle-class American neighbours.

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